Saturday, March 6, 2010
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Lessons Learned from a Leaf
There are some things in life that just cannot be explained.
I try not to put myself in situations that will leave me emotionally hurting. As I am beginning to learn more about life through my experiences, this is an impossible feat. I make bold moves and try to be brave with these decisions. But, there is point where the bravery runs out and the decisions made start to hurt. Having to learn the hard way is never the best way.
There's a storm outside, but it is not as bad as the one brewing within me.
As I sat outside smoking a cigarette, I noticed a little leaf being carried by a current in a stream formed by the torrential rain. This leaf broke from a pack of other leaves and attempted to achieve it's own independence. Such a bold move. Filled with vigor and the sense of vindication, the leaf gracefully made it's way down the path. I cheered silently to myself, enjoying the victory that the leaf had reached. It was as if it feared nothing and there was no way that it would be stopped. That is until the free spirit was halted. Up ahead, there was a pile of bigger leaves that trapped it. My heart broke. It tried so hard to move but it was useless. That great obstacle crushed it's hopes. I knew that feeling. When you try so hard for something and you think, "This could be it. This could work out," and there's that obstacle. It had been waiting for your opportunity to break through just to stop you in your tracks. It's a constant reminder of what reaching too far might do to you. That little leaf experienced that downfall.
This is why I unconsciously build walls and try to prevent myself from becoming emotionally attached to anything. I should have kept it that way because the minute I let my guard down, I got hurt. That was my obstacle.
Just when I had given up all hope for the little leaf and myself, I witnessed the majesty of nature. With help from the rain and wind, the little leaf broke through the obstacle and continued on it's journey.
There's hope for me yet.
...and the music played on.
I try not to put myself in situations that will leave me emotionally hurting. As I am beginning to learn more about life through my experiences, this is an impossible feat. I make bold moves and try to be brave with these decisions. But, there is point where the bravery runs out and the decisions made start to hurt. Having to learn the hard way is never the best way.
There's a storm outside, but it is not as bad as the one brewing within me.
As I sat outside smoking a cigarette, I noticed a little leaf being carried by a current in a stream formed by the torrential rain. This leaf broke from a pack of other leaves and attempted to achieve it's own independence. Such a bold move. Filled with vigor and the sense of vindication, the leaf gracefully made it's way down the path. I cheered silently to myself, enjoying the victory that the leaf had reached. It was as if it feared nothing and there was no way that it would be stopped. That is until the free spirit was halted. Up ahead, there was a pile of bigger leaves that trapped it. My heart broke. It tried so hard to move but it was useless. That great obstacle crushed it's hopes. I knew that feeling. When you try so hard for something and you think, "This could be it. This could work out," and there's that obstacle. It had been waiting for your opportunity to break through just to stop you in your tracks. It's a constant reminder of what reaching too far might do to you. That little leaf experienced that downfall.
This is why I unconsciously build walls and try to prevent myself from becoming emotionally attached to anything. I should have kept it that way because the minute I let my guard down, I got hurt. That was my obstacle.
Just when I had given up all hope for the little leaf and myself, I witnessed the majesty of nature. With help from the rain and wind, the little leaf broke through the obstacle and continued on it's journey.
There's hope for me yet.
...and the music played on.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
a little wasted, a little high, a little promiscuous: all the time Casi
Yes, tis true I have have decided to start up my blog again. I really have no clue where to begin. I'll just spill everything, i guess.
Starting school again was a little bitter sweet for me. I wanted to see my friends again but i also wanted to avoid a very awkward situation. (Imagine that, me in an awkward situation. Ha!) This awkward situation goes back to May. I believe I blogged about this night. Anyway a decision was made and someone didn't follow through. This resulted in zero speaking and zero eye contact. This is especially hard to do when all of your friends are also his friends. We recently got better. We are talking again. Not about the situation, but other things. One step at a time.
Oh yes, my roommates. Katy, Allegra, and Bianca make my life. Katy and Legs are my sisters and last week Bianca became one of our sisters as well. A whole room full of Alpha Chi's. Everything started well enough, but then some true colors started to show. Particularly from Katy. I love this girl to death but she is a slob. Of the two chores she has to do, she has done nothing. And her partying has gotten out of control. Don't get me wrong, I like to go out and have a good time and a do screw up from time to time, but I don't make a habit of it and I'm considerate to the people I live with. This girl checks consideration at the door and brings everything else in with her. It's just so frustrating. But I'll leave it at that.
Boys. Just last night, I actually sacrificed a potential hookup to stay with two very drunk, very out of control friends. I am a goddess. I've only hooked up with one boy since being back and he wasn't really good. I don't know if it was because he was drunk or what but I'll never do that again with him. Oh yeah, did i mention that he is in a frat?? And in this frat part of there chapter meeting is dedicated to who they hooked up with the previous weekend. Guess who got a shout out at chapter one Thursday. Which is probably another good reason why boy from May never made eye contact with me. I am obviously still single.
I really am very happy to be back, awkwardness and all. I'm glad that through all of this I have managed to stay myself although I feel as if everything is going to change very soon. That's completely fine with me because I do love a challenge.
...and the music played on.
Starting school again was a little bitter sweet for me. I wanted to see my friends again but i also wanted to avoid a very awkward situation. (Imagine that, me in an awkward situation. Ha!) This awkward situation goes back to May. I believe I blogged about this night. Anyway a decision was made and someone didn't follow through. This resulted in zero speaking and zero eye contact. This is especially hard to do when all of your friends are also his friends. We recently got better. We are talking again. Not about the situation, but other things. One step at a time.
Oh yes, my roommates. Katy, Allegra, and Bianca make my life. Katy and Legs are my sisters and last week Bianca became one of our sisters as well. A whole room full of Alpha Chi's. Everything started well enough, but then some true colors started to show. Particularly from Katy. I love this girl to death but she is a slob. Of the two chores she has to do, she has done nothing. And her partying has gotten out of control. Don't get me wrong, I like to go out and have a good time and a do screw up from time to time, but I don't make a habit of it and I'm considerate to the people I live with. This girl checks consideration at the door and brings everything else in with her. It's just so frustrating. But I'll leave it at that.
Boys. Just last night, I actually sacrificed a potential hookup to stay with two very drunk, very out of control friends. I am a goddess. I've only hooked up with one boy since being back and he wasn't really good. I don't know if it was because he was drunk or what but I'll never do that again with him. Oh yeah, did i mention that he is in a frat?? And in this frat part of there chapter meeting is dedicated to who they hooked up with the previous weekend. Guess who got a shout out at chapter one Thursday. Which is probably another good reason why boy from May never made eye contact with me. I am obviously still single.
I really am very happy to be back, awkwardness and all. I'm glad that through all of this I have managed to stay myself although I feel as if everything is going to change very soon. That's completely fine with me because I do love a challenge.
...and the music played on.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Hello Summer
You know, I'm getting bad at this whole updating my blog thing. I've been back in my house for about a week and a half and I have done absolutely nothing with my life in that time. It almost makes me miss Forever 21. Haha that was funny. I am funny. But really, at least I was busy there. So, because I haven't blogged in awhile and a few key things have happened I have to play catch up.
Freshman year ended really well, I was very proud of myself and the stamina that I had during exam week. It was very intense. All throughout exam week I think I went back to my room and slept only twice. Every other time, I was a slave to the library. It paid off.
Besides all the boring school stuff, socially, things couldn't have gotten more awkward. Before I get to that, let me first say how completely proud I am of the girls who went through initiation and are now my new sisters. Admittedly, I was very skeptical about letting new girls in so soon. There are so many things to understand about our bond and I really felt that they weren't ready yet. As I got to know them that soon changed and I love them all so much.
Now back to the awkwardness that is my life. It wouldn't be my life without a touch of awkwardness, now would it? So in all fairness, the last two weeks of school started off pretty well. I asked the guy that I liked to my formal and he accepted. That night actually went really well. I was told by many people that my "boyfriend" and I were really cute together. I smiled and said that we were not dating but only friends. It was a really good night.
After such a great night, one would only assume that my date from the night before would ask me to his formal. I had actually been waiting for weeks for him to ask me and since my formal was the weekend before his, I gave up all hope on that monday. Anyway, as you have probably guessed, he did ask me to his. Once again it was a grand night. He's far too adorable for words and I had planned to him then that I liked him. So I did. In a text. When I was at tucks.
I cutely said that I had fun, was glad that he took me, and I ended by saying "btw: you do realize that i like you, right?" His response was that he sorta picked up on it and that since he would be leaving in a week, it really made little sense to jump into things. he also wanted to talk about this matter in person. Understandable. I told him that we should get to know each other better to which he agreed.
With all this squared away, you would imagine how taken aback I was when he began to give me the cold shoulder the entire last week of school. Yep the whole week. Forget the fact that I lived in the library the whole week and every time he passed by me, he passed by without saying two words. Lovely. Oh and about that time I texted him saying that we needed to talk before he left? Nada. Even though we moved out of our dorms at the same time forcing us to run into each other more than enough to get a conversation going, his parents said more to me than he did. Confusion ensues. At first I was upset, but then after much thought I'm not angry anymore.
I did what I supposed to do. I let him know and I just wanted closure. I guess you can't have everything.
So it's been awhile since that happened and i've spent everyday at home with our new kitty, Dinah. She is the cutest little thing I have ever seen in my life, but she is very bad. I will be getting another job soon so I can start saving up for an apartment next year. I will move on from this and will be keeping myself very busy.
Talk about your cliffhangers.
...and the music played on.
Freshman year ended really well, I was very proud of myself and the stamina that I had during exam week. It was very intense. All throughout exam week I think I went back to my room and slept only twice. Every other time, I was a slave to the library. It paid off.
Besides all the boring school stuff, socially, things couldn't have gotten more awkward. Before I get to that, let me first say how completely proud I am of the girls who went through initiation and are now my new sisters. Admittedly, I was very skeptical about letting new girls in so soon. There are so many things to understand about our bond and I really felt that they weren't ready yet. As I got to know them that soon changed and I love them all so much.
Now back to the awkwardness that is my life. It wouldn't be my life without a touch of awkwardness, now would it? So in all fairness, the last two weeks of school started off pretty well. I asked the guy that I liked to my formal and he accepted. That night actually went really well. I was told by many people that my "boyfriend" and I were really cute together. I smiled and said that we were not dating but only friends. It was a really good night.
After such a great night, one would only assume that my date from the night before would ask me to his formal. I had actually been waiting for weeks for him to ask me and since my formal was the weekend before his, I gave up all hope on that monday. Anyway, as you have probably guessed, he did ask me to his. Once again it was a grand night. He's far too adorable for words and I had planned to him then that I liked him. So I did. In a text. When I was at tucks.
I cutely said that I had fun, was glad that he took me, and I ended by saying "btw: you do realize that i like you, right?" His response was that he sorta picked up on it and that since he would be leaving in a week, it really made little sense to jump into things. he also wanted to talk about this matter in person. Understandable. I told him that we should get to know each other better to which he agreed.
With all this squared away, you would imagine how taken aback I was when he began to give me the cold shoulder the entire last week of school. Yep the whole week. Forget the fact that I lived in the library the whole week and every time he passed by me, he passed by without saying two words. Lovely. Oh and about that time I texted him saying that we needed to talk before he left? Nada. Even though we moved out of our dorms at the same time forcing us to run into each other more than enough to get a conversation going, his parents said more to me than he did. Confusion ensues. At first I was upset, but then after much thought I'm not angry anymore.
I did what I supposed to do. I let him know and I just wanted closure. I guess you can't have everything.
So it's been awhile since that happened and i've spent everyday at home with our new kitty, Dinah. She is the cutest little thing I have ever seen in my life, but she is very bad. I will be getting another job soon so I can start saving up for an apartment next year. I will move on from this and will be keeping myself very busy.
Talk about your cliffhangers.
...and the music played on.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Puff of Smoke
Why hello there, blogging world!! The past few weeks of my life have gone by quite quickly. It's almost as if I blinked and BOOM the semester was over. I have been think a lot over this period and I'm starting to worry very much about my future and happiness and such. I believe it was Jody's last blog post which made me start thinking that maybe what I'm doing is not for me. In fact, I'm pretty convinced that this major is not for me. At least once a week I think about what my life would have been like if i had gone through with auditions and if I had applied to my dream schools. I know mentally I would be happier. But then I think about all the people that I'm close to and I can't even imagine leaving. The people here are like my family. We love each other and we will go out of our way to help everyone do better or just be there for them. I couldn't possibly leave that behind.
But, what about my sanity? Having people here who care about me and me caring about other people is the only thing keeping me here. But i have to do something for myself at some point. I need to do something that is worth-while for me. This is where things get tricky. Loyola's theatre program is ok and at best mediocre. There is no musical theatre. I want musical theatre. I would have to leave here and go somewhere else just to have the major that I want and not be happy there because the people I care about are here. This is why i took up smoking. A lame excuse, I know, but with all of this going on in my head it was either blow my brains out or try to find away to stay calm. I chose the latter and, sadly, I'm not exaggerating at all.
When I read Jody's post, I started crying and cried for about an hour and a half until I wandered out into smoker's alley and lit one up. My mind was flooded with thoughts of what could have happened and how less stressful my freshman year would have been in college. I was angry with myself for essentially giving up the one thing that kept me sane and just settling for the safe way out. This realization was just far too heavy for me to handle. So, like everything else in my life, I stored it far back within the vaults of my mind. It's something that will be hard for me to handle, and I'm sure it will come back later on in life to haunt me. I don't like thinking that I gave up my dreams. For right now they are only on hold.
PS: I haven't smoked in about 3 days.
But, what about my sanity? Having people here who care about me and me caring about other people is the only thing keeping me here. But i have to do something for myself at some point. I need to do something that is worth-while for me. This is where things get tricky. Loyola's theatre program is ok and at best mediocre. There is no musical theatre. I want musical theatre. I would have to leave here and go somewhere else just to have the major that I want and not be happy there because the people I care about are here. This is why i took up smoking. A lame excuse, I know, but with all of this going on in my head it was either blow my brains out or try to find away to stay calm. I chose the latter and, sadly, I'm not exaggerating at all.
When I read Jody's post, I started crying and cried for about an hour and a half until I wandered out into smoker's alley and lit one up. My mind was flooded with thoughts of what could have happened and how less stressful my freshman year would have been in college. I was angry with myself for essentially giving up the one thing that kept me sane and just settling for the safe way out. This realization was just far too heavy for me to handle. So, like everything else in my life, I stored it far back within the vaults of my mind. It's something that will be hard for me to handle, and I'm sure it will come back later on in life to haunt me. I don't like thinking that I gave up my dreams. For right now they are only on hold.
PS: I haven't smoked in about 3 days.
...and the music played on.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Ripe
There's something about staring at a blank wall that just urges you to hop on a computer and update the blog that has been sitting untouched for more than a month. With that being said, this has been a bit of a hiatus, but fear not children, I am back and I come with much news. Now where to begin...let's see...my last entry was on the 29th of JANUARY...so...hmm...
Oh, yes!! Let's start with the Phi Psi rush party. It seems like this happened aeon's ago and I know that most of you have already heard this story, but it's worth telling again and I'm trying to make a point here, people. Anyways, this was party number two of the Phi Psi rush season and being the faithful (alcoholic) A-CHi-O that I am, I happily decided to go. So I go to the party with this random Phi Psi senior whose name I didn't know, but I hopped into his car anyway. Typical.
We arrive to the party and the drinking games begin immediately(this is a frat party after all) but i decide not to play at first because I wanted to talk to the potential pledges and the brothers. I go to the kitchen, get a cup of jungle juice from one of the guys and go back outside to where the fire pit was set up. After talking for awhile, I decided to join the game of flip cup. It was this night where I discovered my hidden talent for drinking games and also that about three cups of beer will leave me very wasted. So, my team was the champion team for about 7 rounds and then I decided that I wanted to go home. I drunkenly walk over to the side of table where my sister, Katy was playing and asked if she was ready to go. Her response: "TWO MORE ROUNDS!!" with a fist pump.
Two more rounds turned into another half hour of games and drinking until finally I needed to leave. Thankfully, there was a charming young man there that offered me a ride home. With this happy news I dash back into the house to find Katy so that we could all leave together, but she was no where to be found. I went back outside and told Jeff that I didn't want to leave without Katy and he quickly assured me that Katy would make it home safely. He even said that after he dropped me off, he'd come back to pick her up. Good. There was no way this could end badly, in three short minutes, I would be back in my dorm room completely glowing in pride because I had beaten almost half of the guys in a drinking game. As we all know, I was very wrong. I stumble all the way to his his car and he opens the passenger door and helps me in. The car ride went well until he passed up the school and pulled onto a dark side street. I knew where this was going. I turn and look at him and he smiles and says, "I missed the turn." He pulled me into him and kissed me. This turned into a very heated makeout session until he was on top of me and I felt the slow backward tilt of the car seat. He helped me into the back of the car where articles of clothes began to fly off...I made it home after a slight detour.
One pregnancy scare later, it was Mardi Gras and I was back in action! This year's follies were the best that I had experienced in a while. Lots of fun and lots of drinks. That's all I need to be happy. But leave it to me to do at least one stupid thing. I ran into Nicco at Endymion and decided to be extra friendly and then text him that I wanted to be friends with benefits. Now, we all know about this obsession that I have with Sir. We all know that I become super sexual when drunk. These two, when combined become an awful combination. Not only did I send this text to Nicco, I also sent it to his good friend just to be sure that Nicco received it. That was a really bad decision. We haven't talked about that since, thankfully. After that fiasco, the partying and drinking continued uptown where I met a really cute, really sweet boy. This was heaven sent for me and just what I needed. He talked with me the entire night and then asked for my number. He was really into seeing me again and wanted to hang out some time later that week. Because of our schedules, we haven't been able to hang out since. I know right, fml. I wouldn't feel so bad if he wasn't such a good kisser.
Now fast forward to the present. I really like this semester. I feel comfortable being me and showing that to everyone. I like that I'm becoming closer to the women in my sorority and with the phi psi guys. It's strange, but we really do have a brother/sister relationship with them. I feel comfortable with everyone now and didn't have to change anything about myself, which is the best part! Speaking of phi psi, there is a course a guy that I have my eye on. He's a theatre kid and he's 100% straight!!! I know, what a novelty. I just don't know how to approach him because he is such a nice guy and I feel like I would only corrupt him. We do have a lot in common, but that could land me in the dreaded friend zone. He's very much the courting type of guy and I swoon oh so much whenever I'm around him.
SOOO. Remember that time when I said that I had a point? Yep, I still do. I've grown up a lot over the past year. I have made many mistakes and I've learned that things cannot be changed once they have already happened. I try not to dwell too much on what could have happened or how things could be different. It is what is, and it's too late to change. I feel like I'm finally starting to come into my own. My past experiences have shaped me into the person that I am now. I am not advocating the things that I've done, but I am saying that when you make mistakes or when things don't quite work out the way you planned learn from it and move on. I'm definitely coming into my own. I'm starting to blossom in a way that shows experience and wisdom. This is a very good thing.
...and the music played on.
Oh, yes!! Let's start with the Phi Psi rush party. It seems like this happened aeon's ago and I know that most of you have already heard this story, but it's worth telling again and I'm trying to make a point here, people. Anyways, this was party number two of the Phi Psi rush season and being the faithful (alcoholic) A-CHi-O that I am, I happily decided to go. So I go to the party with this random Phi Psi senior whose name I didn't know, but I hopped into his car anyway. Typical.
We arrive to the party and the drinking games begin immediately(this is a frat party after all) but i decide not to play at first because I wanted to talk to the potential pledges and the brothers. I go to the kitchen, get a cup of jungle juice from one of the guys and go back outside to where the fire pit was set up. After talking for awhile, I decided to join the game of flip cup. It was this night where I discovered my hidden talent for drinking games and also that about three cups of beer will leave me very wasted. So, my team was the champion team for about 7 rounds and then I decided that I wanted to go home. I drunkenly walk over to the side of table where my sister, Katy was playing and asked if she was ready to go. Her response: "TWO MORE ROUNDS!!" with a fist pump.
Two more rounds turned into another half hour of games and drinking until finally I needed to leave. Thankfully, there was a charming young man there that offered me a ride home. With this happy news I dash back into the house to find Katy so that we could all leave together, but she was no where to be found. I went back outside and told Jeff that I didn't want to leave without Katy and he quickly assured me that Katy would make it home safely. He even said that after he dropped me off, he'd come back to pick her up. Good. There was no way this could end badly, in three short minutes, I would be back in my dorm room completely glowing in pride because I had beaten almost half of the guys in a drinking game. As we all know, I was very wrong. I stumble all the way to his his car and he opens the passenger door and helps me in. The car ride went well until he passed up the school and pulled onto a dark side street. I knew where this was going. I turn and look at him and he smiles and says, "I missed the turn." He pulled me into him and kissed me. This turned into a very heated makeout session until he was on top of me and I felt the slow backward tilt of the car seat. He helped me into the back of the car where articles of clothes began to fly off...I made it home after a slight detour.
One pregnancy scare later, it was Mardi Gras and I was back in action! This year's follies were the best that I had experienced in a while. Lots of fun and lots of drinks. That's all I need to be happy. But leave it to me to do at least one stupid thing. I ran into Nicco at Endymion and decided to be extra friendly and then text him that I wanted to be friends with benefits. Now, we all know about this obsession that I have with Sir. We all know that I become super sexual when drunk. These two, when combined become an awful combination. Not only did I send this text to Nicco, I also sent it to his good friend just to be sure that Nicco received it. That was a really bad decision. We haven't talked about that since, thankfully. After that fiasco, the partying and drinking continued uptown where I met a really cute, really sweet boy. This was heaven sent for me and just what I needed. He talked with me the entire night and then asked for my number. He was really into seeing me again and wanted to hang out some time later that week. Because of our schedules, we haven't been able to hang out since. I know right, fml. I wouldn't feel so bad if he wasn't such a good kisser.
Now fast forward to the present. I really like this semester. I feel comfortable being me and showing that to everyone. I like that I'm becoming closer to the women in my sorority and with the phi psi guys. It's strange, but we really do have a brother/sister relationship with them. I feel comfortable with everyone now and didn't have to change anything about myself, which is the best part! Speaking of phi psi, there is a course a guy that I have my eye on. He's a theatre kid and he's 100% straight!!! I know, what a novelty. I just don't know how to approach him because he is such a nice guy and I feel like I would only corrupt him. We do have a lot in common, but that could land me in the dreaded friend zone. He's very much the courting type of guy and I swoon oh so much whenever I'm around him.
SOOO. Remember that time when I said that I had a point? Yep, I still do. I've grown up a lot over the past year. I have made many mistakes and I've learned that things cannot be changed once they have already happened. I try not to dwell too much on what could have happened or how things could be different. It is what is, and it's too late to change. I feel like I'm finally starting to come into my own. My past experiences have shaped me into the person that I am now. I am not advocating the things that I've done, but I am saying that when you make mistakes or when things don't quite work out the way you planned learn from it and move on. I'm definitely coming into my own. I'm starting to blossom in a way that shows experience and wisdom. This is a very good thing.
...and the music played on.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Girl, Maladroit yet Entrancing
Whenever it comes to matters of the heart, I know for a fact that I suck. I don't know when I'm being given a signal or when I'm being too forward. This can make for some potentially mortifying moments. Please thank God (or whom ever it is you worship) that you are not me. What an awkward girl I am!! I don't know what to do around straight boys. I don't know the first thing about attracting straight boys. For this I have to blame the gays. You all have given me false confidence. I'm serious. I cannot function properly with anyone who exist outside the realms of musical theatre or who does not like a little extra sparkle. This is quite detrimental to my on going search for "someone to love me." (that was for you, dani)
I think I am attractive enough physically to be appealing and I know that I'm a pretty good person. I'm smart, funny and dare i say charming.
So here lies my conundrum: How does a girl who has some really good things going for her manage to remain single and perpetually dateless??
Shit if I know. This has been the story of my life since I was in the sixth grade. True story: I haven't had a boyfriend since the sixth grade. Now, I do realize that I have had numerous encounters with the opposite sex. Hooking up never really leads to anything. Which brings me to this boy. I really like him which means that I can't hook up with him because that would ruin everything. He is the relationship boy. He's really sweet and smart and damn good looking. Pardon me while I gush. MMM the perfect package. I think I'm potentially on the right track with him for now, at least. Things are going really slowly so I have time to think about what I'm doing and more time to get to know him. I try not to be awkward around him but if you know me then you also know that this is impossible. It's all part of my natural charm and the mystery that surrounds me. Haha, right. I just need to not end up in friend zone with him because that would kill me. I just don't know. I made the first move by giving him my number. The ball is now in his possession, so he has to make the next play. Until then I can have fun attempting to play the field and meeting other boys. I like my awkward and I think they might too.
...and the music played on.
I think I am attractive enough physically to be appealing and I know that I'm a pretty good person. I'm smart, funny and dare i say charming.
So here lies my conundrum: How does a girl who has some really good things going for her manage to remain single and perpetually dateless??
Shit if I know. This has been the story of my life since I was in the sixth grade. True story: I haven't had a boyfriend since the sixth grade. Now, I do realize that I have had numerous encounters with the opposite sex. Hooking up never really leads to anything. Which brings me to this boy. I really like him which means that I can't hook up with him because that would ruin everything. He is the relationship boy. He's really sweet and smart and damn good looking. Pardon me while I gush. MMM the perfect package. I think I'm potentially on the right track with him for now, at least. Things are going really slowly so I have time to think about what I'm doing and more time to get to know him. I try not to be awkward around him but if you know me then you also know that this is impossible. It's all part of my natural charm and the mystery that surrounds me. Haha, right. I just need to not end up in friend zone with him because that would kill me. I just don't know. I made the first move by giving him my number. The ball is now in his possession, so he has to make the next play. Until then I can have fun attempting to play the field and meeting other boys. I like my awkward and I think they might too.
...and the music played on.
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