Cherry Bomb

So I have made a huge mistake. I know that. I also know that the only thing that can be done about it is me just moving on.
I don't really know how it happened. One minute I was outside at a table and the next I was on the bathroom floor.
A few blogs back I talked about how this was bound to happen but you all have to understand that on that night this was not my intention.
I went into the bathroom (i really don't understand how I got there) and everything we did led to something else until finally, I remember him asking "are you ready?" Is anyone ever really ready? How do you know if you are or not? Ready or not, it definitely happened The truth is that I could have stopped. It could have ended before it even started. I just didn't want to. That was me ignoring my conscience and the banging on the bathroom door.
I'm over it happening, but I keep finding out more and more things that make me feel awful that it did. I cannot believe the things that have happened since midnight Tuesday. Laughter is one of my biggest fronts. I have to laugh at myself to keep from crying. I cried the morning after, at Bryce's new years eve party, and today after finding out some of the worst information ever. I'm running out of jokes I'm getting weak. I can't fix anything, I can only move on. It just sucks that the minute i got over it, I was thrown right back into misery.

...and the music played on.